she tells me "never eat fruit"

(suddenly I am stamping EVERYTHING spiral...)

Right there, on the recommendations!
But first, she wants me to get rid of my cat and dog.  Or at least keep them OUT of the bedroom and NEVER on the furniture.
Dust, too, better quit the pottery!
I have been getting crap like THAT since I was tiny and the doctor said I was allergic to everything.
Fortunately, my doctor now is a VERY KINDLY woman with 2 dogs and 2 cats of her own, and those warnings were on the pre-printed allergy office bits of advice they gave me. I told her I would do what I always do, which is ignore that advice because I don't react as much as I used to, but this fruit sh!t???? Pfft.  That is a new one.

Trying to figure this out has taken almost 8 years of constant bad to terrible stomachache and the loss of almost 25 percent of my body weight which I did not need to lose.

You want a long and tedious post about what I CANNOT eat?  Probably like watching paint dry! (except I am funnier!)  Then there is the further list of what I DO NOT choose to eat. As my primary care physician said to me in April "my GOD WHAT DO you eat?".  Plenty. But the no's:

-I have celiac, so no wheat or gluten and I have the type that means no oats either
-no dairy because of lactose intolerance
-I try to have no sweets or sugar--almost all the cookies and cakes I bake are eaten by my ravenous wife who is the same size now she was at age 12--sugar gives me a crash
-I don't drink caffeine either--caffeine also gives me the crash
-no meat because I am veg--I added eggs back in because I was finding my list of food pretty flippin' LIMITED
-and the latest:  NO FRUIT.  Or at least, no pineapple, strawberries, plums, kiwis, cherries. Pears and apples aren't too bad for me, peaches ditto, blueberries and raspberries, melon and citrus all seem OK.  But just like the dog and cat and clay dust "avoid fruits" goes on the doctor's recommendation page.  That sh!t HURTS, I am a fruititarian! (Steve Jobs was too...and he ended up dead...gotta keep that in mind, although they are not related.)

The fruit thing is a weird one.  I went to the allergist to get answers "why the fukk is my mouth filled with sores when I eat pineappleplumkiwicherrystrawberries?"
It is an odd one, but turns out that it is a direct result of tree pollen allergies.  Allergic to elms and alders and maples?  Your body reads some fruits as having those pollens and reacts with a rash, swelling and hives in the mouth which can lead to ana-whatever shock or at least a closed airway so you choke to death.  Worst case scenario, luckily not likely in my case BECAUSE NO FRUIT.

The doctor is like "It is a good thing you don't react to nuts, that one is worse, but do you want an epi pen?"
I am like "why?"
"So you don't die when somebody gives you a salad with strawberries on it, you take them off, have a reaction to the residue and die."
And I am like "I am SCREWED! But I always prepare my own food, thanks, I'll be OK for now without the epi pen."

That is pretty close to the exact convo we had, actually....

You know from reading this blog that there is a ton I can and do eat, as long as I shop carefully for the right things and prepare them myself.  But I can't go out ot restaurants or other people's houses without my own picnic.  That is the long and winding road ahead, dealing with THAT ONE...but since I am anti-social, now I can GET OUT OF EVERYTHING :) and avoid people the rest of my life...just hiding in my little cave out here eating my....tofu and tempeh.... ;)

You probably think I am a freak, but I dare you to find to anyone as healthy as me, since most Americans live on cheeseburgers and lemon meringue pie.

Hey, who cares about that, buy some of my pots, new listings now at my etsy shoppe!