Gary's Third Pottery Blog

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Gary's third pottery blog

WRITE TO ME! Come see me! Open studio HERE! November 25-26 (11-4 each day); Aurora Art and Design, daily until 12/24; Cooperstown Art Assoc. daily until 12/24; Ellis Hollow Community Fair, 12/10; December 10, Little Red Wagon at the Space at Greenstar. All material on this blog unless stated otherwise is copyright Gary Edward Rith 2016

Wednesday, June 30, 2010


Once again, I am a columninst for She Says, a women's meg-blog. Wednesday is Q and A!

He Says: ask a guy by Gary

Add your opinons and new questions in the comments section, and next week Gary will answer some of those questions.
DISCLAIMER: Gary is an unlicensed and untrained advice columnist and a smart azz to boot. You have been warned :)

Before we get too far into Q and A, I have to explain why my wife asked the question below. I happened to look out the window the other day and she was gardening 2 stories below me. (good luck with THAT monster patch of weeds...) and there was a pleasant cracked rear view for me to behold, and I am like, typically guyish, thinking to myself: "I bet she jumps and squeals if I dropped a wad of wet tissue out the window and onto that unsuspecting little strip of tender flesh". And so basically I lobbed I wad of wet tissue at her unsuspecting cracked rear view 2 stories below, and well, I missed. I hit her in the back, 2 inches above the strip of flesh, but soaked her shirt pretty well. There was a very satisfying SQUEAL, JUMP AND SHOUT and a few curses as well. I was a little surprised though that she was angry. She wanted to know WHY? ("its like Everest, dear, because it is there" I begin to explain...) But there is more, really...

The wife asks me "why are guys so GUYish?" Like when she catches me slurping some juice, um, straight from the bottle...and she goes on to mutter "well, we DO kiss but the dentist says never share toothbrushes..." and I explain....Actually, I say nothing. There are times when you are a guy and it is best to keep your mouth shut. There is NO explanation, other than you didn't think she was looking. And drinking juice after I have slurped it has not, um, killed her yet, so you wonder what the harm is and pledge to yourself yo drink from the bottle in more stealthy ways.
Guys are GUYS. There is no reason for it. We are silly and immature little jerks, its true, especially ME.

Which brings us to this. Last week's big question was how to successfully online date, a sincere question from a woman asking absolutely the WRONG person, me, but that won't stop me from trying.
I say to single women: GO LESBIAN. Men are worthless. Take it from this worthless man. Forget about us. Need a baby? Get a puppy or kitten. A whole lot less trouble.

OK, not gonna go lesbian? Alright.

My nearest experience with online dating goes back to 1991, before there WAS online dating, or my wife. In those days, there were personals. Me and my cat answered a personal when we lived in Chicago. It sounded like a sexy young art student. I was a sexy young art student myself. I replied with a handwritten and punchy and ironic sentence, and sent it off to the PO box. I had a reply. She said she had dozens of letters, but only liked mine. And she lived on the next block! I went into ninja stealth mode and went and looked at her building, all excited about the possibilities. And sent back a bizarre 4 page letter telling all about my pathetic life and kinky habits. never heard back, surprise! With men, we need to remember, the less said the better. (see above: we are guyish, we are immature, we are trouble) The week after the letters? Got together with the wife. 18 plus years ago!

I tell my single men friends: do POTTERY. When I was in college, and now when I teach at Cornell, it is 80 women, and 2 guys. And one of those guys, me, is married! For women, where are the men??? You go down past the sports bars at 1 on Sunday: packed with men! You may not like any of those oafish, drunken football lovers, but hey, its where the men are for real.

On the other hand, I have been to like, 4-5 weddings in my whole life. Including mine. I am not one of those people who goes to weddings. Never been to a funeral. I don't really, ah, erm, eh, well, do big events. Or go to small events. I like to go to the library. The grocery store. The Chapterhouse bar. But The fifth wedding I went to was David's. David is my buddy here in Ithaca, a local politician, and he admits he and his wife met at match dot com. David is not like me. I would marry David. He is sold, honest, funny and fun. She is a lucky lady, he is a lucky man, and the drinks at their wedding were abundant and free, which may be why some people like weddings.

My best pal Kasey gets married in Iowa this fall. She tells me:
"Scott was the friend of a friend, and we met briefly onetime. Then he stalked me on Myspace. Then he contacted me. Now we are getting married!" Its so much easier for men to stalk women now that we have the internets, isn't it? There probably aren't as many perverts and psycho killers out there are Hollywood would have us believe.

My pal Maureen has a lot to say about internet dating:

"George and I were just talking about On Line dating a few weeks ago. Had a wonderful, funny, conversation on it. I told him when I was a young girl, the girls would bring out this REALLY LAME GAME called "Mystery Date"...I never would play, stupidest thing I ever saw.
Anyway the girls would spin a wheel, and pic a card, turn it over, and say..."Oh, I am in love, look who I got"! Then they would run over to their closet, change into dress wear, put make up on, with this lame picture of a guy that looked like Wally Cleaver, in a suit.

Well, you can imagine how hated I was by the girls, I would watch these stupid idiots, play out this whole thing with amazement. I told them, "You are legit crazy"!....It's a lol lol...:) They also had a loser guy, the wah wah...actually he looked just like the type of guy I love, jeans, t-shirt, gym shoes, you know just like every kid in lol lol...I mean "What the hell was the message to this game".....'GO FOR THE MONEY"....I am serious."

I have one hell of a true story, about this woman, it is a scream, and for real...

Our daughter Carrie, got a job with a new guy in a near by town. Anyway, his name was Roman, he was the absolute Computer Tech Head Geek, brilliant, actually, and oh so funny. He looked very similar to Drew Carey, Black Horned Rimmed glasses, and all. Anyway, it was so refreshing to finally have a college guy move into the area. He was married, with a child, so he started his own ISP Services. At that time he was the only game in town, here in "Moo Town", no one had access to dial up, I mean this is "Green Acres" for sure.

Anyway, he started this with his other brilliant college friends. Well naturally Carrie and I were attracted to this immediately. So Carrie got a job with these "Hip, highly intelligient, hysterically funny" group. It was the place to be. And besides, Carrie and I wanted to see just how this would work out...I mean it's definitely, "When World's Collide", Geeks vs lol lol

On the the dating story, he had a customer who was the biggest pain in the butt you can imagine, she looked and had the same personality as Mimi of the sitcom with Drew Carey, even looked like her, only heavier, and oh was so dumb! She made Za Za Gabor look like Einstein. lol lol lol...! She always tried to dress in way too sexy clothes, for this area. Fish net stockings, red heels, platinum blonde hair, and so much makeup, sort of like Tammy Baker. loll ol lol....but sweet? NO WAY, Barracudas are more cudly! lol lol lol

Anyway, her email locked up with the dial up. She said she is sending her new online boyfriend a photo, and it keeps crapping out. She said "I forgot to resize the photo, it was too large"! So Roman says disgruntedly, okay, I will pull up the photo, and resize it, and send. So she is standing next to him, and he pull up the photo, He had a T3, so it was sweet! Anyway, in front of all the college guys in the store, and Carrie and I, on his large screened monitor, OMG, this photo pops up, and it is her, in the buff, posing in the doorway of her bathroom. Roman yells, OMG MY EYES, THEY BURN!!!! Everyone burst into laughter. Roman yells, "What the hell have I told you about posting stuff like this, are you crazy"! "Your gonna get yourself killed"! She replies, "I have this new boyfriend in Tenessee, and I want to meet him"! He says, OMG you are insane!!!!!! Roman says, "ALL I CAN SAY, IF AFTER HE SEES THIS PHOTO, AND STILL WANTS TO MEET YOU, I WOULD BE VERY AFRAID, VERY AFRAID"! She still lived at home with Mom and Dad of course! Anyway he resized the photo and says, OMG HIS EMAIL IS HOGLOVER! I hope that means the Motorcycles! "

Good lord, basically, you feel kinda lucky to be a married guy, you know????

Gary Edward Rith is a househusband, full-time studio potter and sculptor and part-time instructor at the Cornell University Pot Shop. Confessions of a Kept Man appears every Monday and Thursday, and Gary's answer column "He Says: ask a guy, by Gary" appears every Wednesday. Gary blogs a whole lot of pottery and other baloney at his blog


Unknown said...

I can honestly say that I did not meet my husband anywhere near the internet... He's not a fan of the 'interweb'. ;)

k.a. barnes said...

Me neither. We grew up five miles away from each other, went to the same college- had a class together & even shared a ride home once- but never dated till I moved back to my hometown to live with my parents while I went to grad school. He'd moved there because his boss (in his hometown) had an apartment for him to rent in my town.

Reverend Awesome said...

Oh Maureen! Great storyteller. That's hilarious!

I think it's weird that there still seems to be a sort of stigma attached to meeting people online. Somehow meeting someone while you're out at a bar drunk is acceptable, but if you say that you met someone on the internet, fully lucid, you get "the look." My best friend met his husband through an internet dating site. Does that make them any less of a perfect match? No. Thank god for internet dating cuz otherwise they may not have gotten together.

I think people that think internet dating is weird probably think the entire internet is weird and really, it doesn't matter what people that are afraid of the internet think of internet dating. Go online, go out. Date and have fun. Do whatever. If you think someone will respond poorly to saying you met someone through the internet you don't have to tell them.

Land of shimp said...

Hehe, oh dear. Well Gary, my husband is not the type to drink from the juice bottle, or milk carton, but he has his guy-like moments. Yet, I'm still fond of the fellow. I know I told this story already, but one of the reasons I liked him was he was so bad at flirting. He mentioned "waterbugs" (cockroaches) while trying to flirt.

After our first date, he started to enthusiastically inform me, "You could stalk me if you wanted!" (my husband is basically six and a half feet of pure goofiness).

You know what though, the thing that made me notice him in real-life "Dear God, I didn't know anyone could be this bad at flirting, did he just mention roaches??" wouldn't have worked online. I guess however we meet the person who matches our level of goofiness with vary from person to person.

I bet your wife is glad she found your tissue-throwing-goofiness, just as you're glad you found her.

Maureen Johnson said...

Well as I repeat the words of Father Henry when he would do the Marriage retreats.. "It is written that one gets the spouse they deserve"! When it comes to George and I, goofy comes to mind..Yahoo for lol lol We are definitely well suited! Al Gore hadn't created the Internet yet, so we met in person...SORRY, I couldn't resist that! Forgive me! lol lol lol :) Love you guys!

red dirt girl said...

My ex-husband? My MOTHER gave him my name and number. It ended, twenty years later, rather badly. THE LOVE OF MY LIFE ??? Online. Yep. He's my soulmate. I had a blog about poetry and high heeled shoes - right, eclectic. He found me intriguing. He left me some artisan crafted pottery coins. How could I resist? Three years and counting ... still IN LOVE and ONLINE! (well, yes, we've met ...;)


Gallow said...

Judy and I are to old to have met via the internet. Heck I was still using punch cards at the time that we met. My good friend from High School's sister knew Judy, and thought that we would make a good pair. I think she's right. Although I still do all the guy things, and she rolls her eyes.

k.a. barnes said...

Being quite silly and rather immature myself, a certain amount of "guyishness" has always greatly appealed to me, which is why, I guess, I find myself hanging around with mostly boys, and often as the only girl present. A suited-up Don Draper-type who wouldn't laugh at fart jokes just wouldn't cut it in my world. (Get it? 'Cut it'?) I think the kids on South Park are just about at my maturity level.

soubriquet said...

The internet has made it possible for us to communicate with people far away, as easily as if they were in the next room.
And the world of blogs gives us so many views of other people's lives and thoughts, I was reading poetry, left a comment, a dialogue started that went to email, then chat, phone, skype, then the airlines got involved....
I'm an unreformed male of the species. I do those bad things Gary mentioned, my home is a little oasis of chaos and mess.
I spent many hours, all night before she was due to arrive, trying to make it less chaotic, and I failed.
Um. I didn't even have a door on the bathroom.
And guess what? She didn't run away screaming, back to the airport.
She rolls her eyes a bit when i play practical jokes on her, or tell her outrageously untrue stories that I convince her are true. Sometimes I double-bluff, telling her a true story, but making her think I'm inventing it....
And she cheats at scrabble and eats an entire cheesecake, which I later searched for in the fridge, hungrily. I think she buried the box outside as I slept.
She's the one.
The soul-mate.
I wish I'd met her a long long time ago.

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I am a full-time studio potter, sculptor, and dog walker, married to superhawt Missus Tastycake.