So, you know, I am the lone dude writing for a women's mega blog. Sort of like, as they said in that newspaper comic Bloom County, hanging around on the planet of beautiful women. I was asked to join them, and you KNOW I was gonna say yes. And now, on top of my silly editorials twice a week, we got my ADVICE COLUMN too. Posted here now and sometime today at She Says: by the ladies (and Gary)
He Says: ask a guy by Gary
Add your opinons and new questions in the comments section, and next week Gary will answer some of those questions.
DISCLAIMER: Gary is an unlicensed and untrained advice columnist and a smart azz to boot. You have been warned :)
My wife gets QUESTION number one, and why not? I am nothing without her, a SLUG ON THE SIDEWALK.
The missus asks:
"Is it big enough for you???".
Seriously, she DID. She said that would be her question. She happened to be writing down a couple of notes in my filofax for me as we drove down to play pool and drink beers last night. And Dear God I love that woman, she said that was her question, and she went on to say "my handwriting, is it big enough for you? You never wear your glasses and you canNOT see a thing". Phhbbt. I think she wasted her question.
My buddy Kasey in Iowa writes a question for REAL:
What to do with everyone and their concerns over the state of my uterus. I will be getting married in a few months and without realizing it, apparently everyone was worried that I would never get married. I didn't know that everyone was so worried about such a thing. I mean, I wasn't even worried. Now it's happening and facebook is telling me that I need to go on a bridal diet, people are telling me that I should be ashamed that I haven't looked at any bridal magazines, but the BIG PROBLEM is that I'm afraid the baby flood gates are about to burst. I see some cracks in the dam.
I've already gotten a few "hints" by hints I mean my future mother in law pointing to a desk in her basement and telling me it's waiting for grandkids. If I post a picture of my future husband holding a baby I get comments like, "good practice for him?" and things of that nature. I don't want people wondering when or if I'm going to allow my husbands seed to make its way to my eggs. It's really none of their business. How do I tell them it's none of their business without sounding like a total a##hole? I mean, I really don't have a big problem coming off as an azz, but I'd rather not be rude to my future in-laws. Thank you in advance for any guidance. "
Whoa. OK, Kasey, gosh, as a childless dude I have BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT with the old aunties and others wondering where the babies are.
Quick and easy, smart azz response: "OH, but Aunt Sophie, I am already expecting triplets, didn't Scott tell you???" OR
"I'd rather take up smoking than have kids" or even
"We are planning on raising Weimeraners instead"
I don't know why a wedding invitation is an invitation for people to ask about your sex life. GOD! In our case, as it turned out, we were unable to have kids, and the same question haunted us for years. 4 years ago we were buying a house with the help of an awesome realtor whom we adored. As we handed over the monster check, got the keys and said our happy goodbyes, the realtor asked if we planned to settle down and have kids (we had been married already about 15 years) and I said, in shock, not having heard that question in awhile
"But, my wife is almost 50!!!!" and the realtor's reply was
"oh, but they can do amazing things with fertility procedures these days!".
I am not embarrassed we cannot have kids. We tell people "we make art instead" or "we have dogs and cats instead" or even "we tried and nothing ever happened".
Now that we both have a lot of grey up top, we don't get that question much anymore.
OK, but back to you. You want people to shut up and leave you alone. If you don't like them and don't feel you need to be polite, then say "I don't ask you about your sex life or what you do in the toilet, do I?". To be more diplomatic, work on a pat response, because you will get this question all the time. if you are religious or feel like putting up a smoke screen, fake them out with " we'll see if God gives us a baby" and smile angelically or simply and honestly "we'll see, right now there are a lot of things on our plate, and we have not had time to think of a family" or "heck, we been practicin' day and night, you'd think we have at least a dozen kids so far..."
Gary Edward Rith is a househusband, full-time studio potter and sculptor and part-time instructor at the Cornell University Pot Shop. Confessions of a Kept Man appears every Tuesday and Thursday, and Gary's answer column "He Says: ask a guy, by Gary" appears every Wednesday. Gary blogs a whole lot of pottery and other baloney at his blog
LEST we forget that I am a potter, dig these mugs: recent experiments, just outta the kiln....
Gary's Third Pottery Blog
When the going gets tough, dragons gonna get going....
WRITE TO ME! email@example.com Come see me! Open studio HERE! November 25-26 (11-4 each day); Aurora Art and Design, daily until 12/24; Cooperstown Art Assoc. daily until 12/24; Ellis Hollow Community Fair, 12/10; December 10, Little Red Wagon at the Space at Greenstar. All material on this blog unless stated otherwise is copyright Gary Edward Rith 2016
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
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I know I have said it before, but your new line of pottery is simply awesome. The design is so elegant and the colors could not be improved upon.
Advice column - hmmm. I may have to submit a question.
Hahahahahaha! I like the last one about practicing day and night. I never thought of that. ;)
Kasey, I feel your pain. I don't really know what to say to them either, except 'Mind your own damn business'. My personal favorite comment is "You're not going to have kids? Well, you should have AT LEAST one, just one"... like having ONE kid isn't a big deal and it would be like taking on an extra barn cat or something. Geesh.
I like the practicing Day and night answer. It made me spit my coffee.lol.
I find it really odd that people feel they have the right to needle others about thier reproduction, or lack thereof. I have a sister, who has by choice remained single and childless, now, she does say the single part may change someday, but she does not want kids.
This seems to be a taboo in my family, as everyone has asked me at least once if she is GAY. This baffles me. No one asked my brother if he was gay when he had reached nearly forty and hadn't yet reproduced.
Ah, you're a great advice columnist, I'm looking forward to more and I'm not even a gal. I, too am amazed that people are so pushy about sex lives, etc.
The "practicing" line is priceless
Excellent answer, Gary. Kasey, if you think they pry now, you should see how they get when you're pregnant. I'm not sure when being pregnant became an open invitation to touch a woman, but Bridget was bloody sick of it in a really big hurry.
You're on a roll, Gary, both with the advice and the pottery. The short, fat mugs are practically cuddly. Love them!
Oh Gary what a ray of sunshine this brought me!! Its a dark, dreary, rainy day here but this post burst into a splendiferous day for me. You are a hoot!
You are a potter? I was thinking you are now the new Dr. Phil. Dr. Gary...I love your answers today. Great job!
Thank you for your both thoughtful and humorous answer. People soooo worried about me procreating.
When nosey people aske me questions like that I pretend I am totally insane. Just answer them, "Oh you mean I don't have children, and start to sob"! "But George told me we have children"! lol lol Or get a nervous twitch, and start vibrating. "The Key"? Make them sorry for asking, and guarantee they will never again! :) I don't want to be around those people anyway, who decided they dicate the world, and all those who reside in it! :)
And what resides in my body! If they want a baby so bad get one for themselves!
Gary, you are a HOOT! I love the "practicing day and night" response. ROTFL
However, I will be taking all of this into account as I hope to be a grandmother in 10 years' time and I ought to keep my trap shut about it with the future daughters-in-law, whomever they may be!
And everyone is right, your pottery just keeps getting better and better. *sigh*
Gary, that was really good advice. I'm very impressed. You may have a new career dawning. Amy Dickinson better look out!
Gee, Gary... That was really good advice. I'm very impressed. Amy Dickinson better look out, 'cause there's a new advice guru in town!
We love you Ga-a-ary
Oh yes we do-o-o-o-0
we don't love any Guy
as much as you -o-o-o
Kate in Michigan
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