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Tuesday, July 27, 2010
the whole Stepford Wife vs Vampire thing....
My BAMF ART BLOG BUNCH group blog of friends turn to ME for all them insights into MEN. That's ME, just a regular guy, able to explain us dudes.
(Thanks Jill, Kerry, Kasey, Christi, Maureen, Lizzie, Becky Jo and why shouldn't Stevo join the fun with the ladies too?)
Q and A with Gary: I am an expert on NOTHING, take my word for it, but I am an untrained and unlicensed advice columnist, so read ON:
Maureen asked me about the Stepford wife thing for q and a. Basically, why would men want perfect and docile robots as wives? My feeling is that there are some men who need to dominate and control, and don't want a lot of fuss in order to have their way. I wish my sock monkey was more docile, but maybe he will make some dinner tonight...
ANYWAY, your reactions to the idea that some guys want a docile piece of eye candy to marry, who also cooks and cleans so they don't have to?
Eep! I think you're right, Gary, it's a control issue. Also an ego thing. If you keep li'l wife in her place, you get to the Big Superior Man. I dated a guy who felt he had to knock down every accomplishment of mine because he felt it made him look bad to have me do better than him. Even academically, when I had the reputation of being a smart nerd and he was a dumb jock (not that all jocks are dumb, but, yes, in this case) he felt he should be the superior one in the relationship. I finally got tired of every win I had being cut down. When I had my "pre-life crisis" and quit my job, gave up my apartment & moved back in with my folks to go to grad school, he was very much against it. His response was, "Meh. It's only Alfred U." Around that time, I ran into my future husband out at a bar. He asked what I was doing in town & I told him my parents were taking me out for a drink to celebrate my acceptance into grad school. His response was, "That's so great! I'm jealous! I miss being a student! What are you going to study?" The difference in those reactions made me realize I didn't want or need someone in my life who felt he had to tear me down to make himself feel better.
I think some men don't like women for what they are. They like the idea of a women. Someone to go to dinner with them. Accompany them to weddings or work events. Clean up after them like they are his mommy. Listen to his problems and have none of their own. Actual people aren't like this.
Oh my gosh, Kerry. I dated the same type of man. It was awful and just left me and my self esteem in ruins. I would send him an email, thinking I was being entertaining and surely he would just laugh and laugh. No. He sent me an email back one time telling me that he thought I was trying to intimidate him with my emails. I had no clue what he meant. Just mad at me for being me. The thing is, I don't know how it got to a point where I was accepting that sort of behavior as normal. I don't know where along the way I came to think that I just had to take it. I did though, for some time. I felt terrible about everything about me for forever. After I finally broke that off I dated wrong men cuz I was deliberately going out with people I wasn't attracted to. I thought it was a defect in me, liking the wrong people.
No. Turns out you really shouldn't date people you don't at all like. Sometimes it takes a call to your mom telling her how much you'd like to punch him in his stupid face to make you realize you're going about things all wrong.
I just needed to stop dating emotionally immature people. Broken people and I somehow thought I would be the one to fix them. Instead I let them break me a bit.
It's a really great feeling when you realize it's okay to want to punch them in the mouth because, frankly, they deserve it.
I was thinking BLOW UP DOLLS. You want a compliant and available and docile latex doll, not a human female.
Kerry's husband Brett is the most kindly and creative man, and I 'd like to think she had her practice with the jerk, therefore can appreciate Brett. I APPRECIATE Brett cause his pizzas are feckin marvelous.
ANYWAYS one of you said it, I think: emotionally immature.
For me and the wife, we are both pretty feisty and stubborn at times, but I would not change a thing about how she does anything, ever. She is smart and opinonated and life is better sharing that way.
Yes, practice, I like that! What's the saying, you have to kiss a bunch of toads before you find your prince?
I am so glad for this post because today I see so many woman falling into the same old trap from the 1950's. Thank God you two have learned early on.
Most people do not realize that when I was a young woman you were forbidden to go out of the house without a dress/skirt on. I could not attend school if I wore any kind of jeans or dress pants. We were definitely not welcomed into regular social forums as men.Men were never allowed to present to the public that they were their wives friends. You were considered weak, and worthless. Men worked, woman didn't except if it was house cleaning, ironing, clothes washing, or taking care of elderly or bedridden people.
It was truly a horrible time for woman. The truth is that many became extremely psychopathic due to the loneliness, worthlessness, and plain old hard labor. They used to call it "Melancholy Disorder", when actually it was Post Traumatic Stress syndrome.
When the 60's came, when I was in my early teen, ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. So liberating, and we finally had freedom....When Rock and Roll came on the scene, and woman united and said, "We are not going to take this crap anymore"! It stopped abruptly! :)
I think that Gary and Brett sound wonderful, but they are also educated, which definitely helps. Where I live in Redneck Land, they are uneducated (most of them), and learn from their fathers, or peers. So sad for them. I adore my husband, married him during the 60's, so so glad he was not part of the generation before him! I ADORE GEORGE AND HE ADORES ME! lol lol lol...Are we perfect? OMG no way! But that makes it all the more wonderful! :) We have always been a work in progress, together! :)
I HATE the dismissing, "nice try, little girl" tactic! Under the surface it's always, "Go back to your kitchen where you belong." And the dudes that seem to blame the world's problems on women. They're usually the same ones complaining that all women just want a bad boy who will be mean to them, and why can't I find love? Whiner.
Therefore young women are like "give me a devoted vampire! men are dicks!". Not me, not George or Brett or Kasey's Scott. I think Scott takes notes for his comedy routine when Kasey speaks up :)
I think the vampire's greatest appeal is that he listens to and pays attention to Bella! What a novel concept to some guys-- but not the ones you listed above!
What I want in a spouse is a friend, and confidant, a companion, a lover, someone to share a lifetime, someone to tell me when I'm being an idiot, someone to brag to about our great children, someone to share a laugh and a cry...
There is a lot of drudgery work around the house. Both of us work out of the house, so we share a lot of the drudgery work. She never tells me to do tasks around the house, and I don't ask her to do them either. I think we each appreciate that the other person can make personal choices on what they want to do.
I see my children doing similar things with their significant others. So I think there is progress.
When I look at my parents, and Judy's parents they still act like they are in the 1950's. My mother and her mother do most of the cooking and cleaning, and the men do the outdoor chores.
Except the vampire wants to kill her!
True, dat! Everything is so complicated....
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