the wife writes of winter and her husband.....

The missus wrote a short essay. It is well known that I am a kickass baker and a wonder in the bedroom, but the wife is the handyman in this house....

He and I

I got an email I’ve saved. Subject line is Richard III from Shakespeare. The message is a poster. At the center is a photo of a snow-encrusted small tent with a sale price tag of $1. The caption reads, “Now is the winter of our discount tent.”

When I get home I will open the gate carefully and latch it behind. I’ll brace myself for the cold water that’s dripping off the roof, make my way carefully over the ice in the walkway, around the shovels and broom a the top and bottom of the steps to remind me to step carefully because it is icy.

The walkway was like this when I came home this afternoon. I looked at the sand on the path, heard the beagle howl inside and my husband appeared on the deck. I smiled; it was good to be home. “Careful,” he said, “it’s icy.”

“I see.”

“So I want that broom to stay there and the shovel to stay here.” I couldn’t help but notice he was only in a sweater—that’s against the rules in on our house but I didn’t tease him.

Everything was still there when I came out later and, yes, I slowed down. I couldn’t help but notice that all the ice was in a straight line, right under the roof’s edge, highest where it dripped, then sloping to either side. Little craters where the icicles dripped then froze. I look at that sort of thing and wonder what innovation or, yes, product, would prevent that. I’ll mention it to my husband who will look blank, pick the book he was reading back up and sing “La, la, la, la, la,” from behind its cover.

“And we need to change the spout in the bathtub.”

He’ll change to “Loving you . . .”

“And I can’t pull the fridge and stove away from the wall without you, darling.”

“is easy ‘cause you’re beautiful . . .”

How come he never sings Tom Jones’ “Sex Bomb” to me? The words aren’t that hard. I think I should pull out a complete garden plan to really get a reaction.